Variety Show

Variety Show

• Related Event: A Crescendo of Courage/August 2019
• Release Date: August 13, 2019
• Featured Characters: Siren, The Prince, Summer Verica, Summer Cleo, Elisanne, Summer Ranzal, Summer Luca, Summer Celliera, Summer Julietta, Summer Estelle

Dialogue

Ohmigosh, GUYS—wasn't that concert sooooo much fun? Dragon Songstress: Siren Next time we do a show, will you all join me on stage? Er, us? On stage? Totally! You remember how Cleo and Verica were my backup dancers, right? That was LITERALLY the best! Way more fun than being up there solo! I must say that I enjoyed it as well. I found it quite stressful, in truth... But it was certainly a memorable experience. I'm SAYING! Which is why we should add even MORE people next time. More people equals more fun—it's basic math! Is there even room enough on stage for us all to appear at once? Sure—but I had something else in mind. Hee hee! I was thiiiinkiiiing... What if everyone did their own solo performances?! Ya talkin' about some sorta variety show? Oh yeah, count me in for that! Hell, count me in too. Now, what'll I perform...

Thanks for coming, everyone! I hope you're all ready to have a ball and a half! Heh, no way you're ready for THESE muscles!

Ooo, an acrobatic performance—WITH swimsuits! See, this is what I'm talking about! The point of said costumes is lost on me, but yes, "hooraaaaaay"...

All right folks, here we go! Hit it, Ranzal! You're about to feel this song right in yer guts! Haaaaaaam, succulent soul foooooood! You briiiiing, me tooooo, my kneeeees!

Oh goodness, no... This is... Grounds for going vegetarian, yes. Would someone PLEASE put a stop to this?

Hey, come on, we're just gettin' to my favorite part! I said HAAAAAAAAAAAAM— That is QUITE enough. Yeesh, that was the WORST. Er, put your hands together for our next act! Heh, that's my cue! Do you have something good planned? You better believe it! Not that there was anything wrong with Ranzal and Luca's idea, mind you. It merely failed to adequately consider the audience. Passion is great, but only if it has somewhere to go. The audience needs to feel involved! They need something interactive! Interesting. Celliera does train knights professionally, so I imagine she is well-versed in such concepts. Well, she's got MY attention! Drop some knowledge on me, Celly. Right. So...

What, you thought the performance was over?! Not by a long shot, folks! It's my honor to introduce you to our armsmaster extraordinaire, CELLIERA! Listen up, kiddos! Do you want to be STRONG?! Yeah! Do you want to get SWOLE?! Do you want to sculpt your body into the STUFF OF LEGENDS?! Yeah! Then let's! Get! TRAINING! We'll start with some stretches. Follow along, kiddos! MUSC-LES! MUSC-LES! Uh, yeah, hard pass.

Huh? What's wrong with "Celliera's Hardcore Training Hour, featuring Ranzal and Luca"? Why's it always muscles with you guys? Where's the like, variety? Quite right. People attend these shows to witness beauty, not muscles. As a Paladyn, I am fully prepared to put forth a masterful performance! The heck does bein' a Paladyn have to do with performing? Hush, you. Let her finish.

Welcome to Midsummer Paladyns On-Stage! Let us begin, Elisanne! Yes! May our music reverberate through the summer sky! Oh. Em. GEE! They're GORGEOUS! (Heh, you bet we are! This is what show business is all about, folks! How could anyone resist the dazzling duet of Elly and I?) (We traverse the dance floor with the same grace we do the battlefield. And it goes without saying that we know how to get people's hearts aflutter!) Hey, Julietta! Show me some love! (Now, with their guards lowered, we'll flash them a smile so refulgent it turns their hearts to mush and—huh?!) (Oh, Goddess... Their stares! Ravenous eyes abound, fiercer even than any I've witnessed in battle!) (Th-the pressure... I can't...!)

Hurk... No... My stomach... Julietta? What's wrong? You look very pale. I-I'm fine... I would never embarrass you on stage like—OWWWW! I think you had better rest a spell. Here, come with me. Is she all right? I think she just stressed herself out imagining her performance. Her anxiety is understandable. Just think, performing before all of those people... And in a swimsuit, no less! Yes, such indecency should not be permitted! Estelle? There could be children in the audience. We have to ensure the show is appropriately wholesome! Parading about in swimsuits is risqué enough on its own, but to pile an added layer of sex appeal on top is... It's simply too much! Training's sounding pretty good now, eh? Nothing more wholesome than a family sweating together! No, no, that's too much! What if somebody pulls something, or gets heatstroke? You're all off base. Allow me to show you what a true all-ages show entails!

Welcome, one and all, to Sing-Along Time with Miss Estelle and Mr. Euden! Okay, everybody on your feet! Just follow my moves, and we'll all have a great time! We're going to put our right hands in, and then we're going to pull them back out, and then we're going to put them BACK in, and shake them! Everyone ready? Yes, Miss Estelle! Hold up just a second there!

What? Why? Is this not perfectly wholesome? Oh, sure, it's wholesome all right. It's just... How do I put this? We're trying to entertain people here, not send 'em back to preschool, yeah? Your idea does sound like it may be somewhat...tedious for older audiences. Hmm... I guess you have a point. It's pretty difficult to come up with something everyone can enjoy... Yeah, I had no clue this'd be such a headache. I just wanted to sing my ham song... This may not be a puzzle we can solve in a day. You might be right. It really puts into perspective how incredible it was that those three managed to make everyone happy with their concert. Aw, come on! We didn't do it alone—every one of you helped to make it possible! As far as I'm concerned, you ALL starred in that show. You feel me? I... Yes. I "feel" you. Hee hee! And, to show you how super de-DUPER thankful I am, I'm gonna put on a secret concert for all of you—like, literally right now! Whoaaaa, sweet! We should go fetch Verica and Julietta. Siren, why don't you get set up while we're gone? Aye aye, chief! Okay, everyone, it's time to get LOUD! Wooooooo! The End