Xander/Stories
Quotes
Adventurer Story Episodes
I Hereby Claim This Castle!
Xander: I could hardly find a place more fitting for a true king such as myself.
Ranzal: Eh? What's that guy hangin' around for? Don't look like he's here to cause trouble, buuut...
Ranzal: Hey! You! Ya need somethin' or what?
Xander: Ah! What a fine specimen of a warrior!
Xander: If anything, the rumors I heard may have been underselling this location.
Ranzal: Whatcha starin' at me like that for?
Euden: What's going on, Ranzal?
Ranzal: Just some weirdo who showed up bein' all...weird.
Xander: You there! He with the flaxen blond hair! I take it you're the ruler of this fine estate?
Xander: My name is King Xander!
Xander: Given that you're royalty as well, I'm sure you must have heard my name many a time. Ha HA! Oh my, yes.
Euden: Er, the only King Xander I know rules over a country some distance from here.
Euden: Is that you? And if so, what are you doing so far from home?
Xander: Ha HA! Excellent questions all!
Xander: From this point onward, I claim this castle in my royal name!
Euden: ...What?
Ranzal: Who the hell does this guy think he is?!
Xander: I heard this castle was a gathering place for powerful warriors, and now I see those rumors are far from baseless.
Xander: However! A regent as young as yourself must have everyone here feeling rather uneasy about the future.
Ranzal: You want me to stab this guy, boss? Just say the word.
Xander: But take heart! For I have arrived in my infinite graciousness to make you all my loyal vassals!
Xander: I actually happen to currently be in need of a new castle and vassals for...reasons far too trivial to discuss at this juncture.
Euden: Riiight. But see, the thing is, this castle is kind of...mine?
Xander: Fear not! Your king is nothing if not generous.
Xander: As such!
Xander: I shall also make YOU my vassal, Euden - and one of highest standing at that!
Xander: Now listen well, my subjects!
Xander: This day demands a celebratory feast. Begin preparations at once! *clap clap*
Euden: Well, he's...colorful.
Ranzal: You ain't seriously thinkin' of lettin' this loon stick around, are ya?
Euden: Well, he doesn't seem like a BAD person, per se. And it sounds like he has a tough-luck story of his own.
Euden: I see no reason to turn him away. I mean, so long as he doesn't attempt to overthrow me in the night...
Ranzal: *sigh* This is SO you.
Ranzal: Still, yer the boss, so if that's whatcha think, I'll give it a shot.
Xander: Welcome your new king with open arms, my vassals! Summon the minstrels! Slaughter the fatted calf!
A King is His People's Zenith
Euden: Do you need something, Xander?
Xander: That is KING Xander to you! And where the devil have you been this whole time?!
Euden: Er, did I do something wrong?
Xander: You led the people of this castle by your feckless and insubordinate example! THAT is what you did!
Xander: The rabble peopling this estate aren't treating me with anywhere near the proper amount of respect and fealty!
Xander: Why, just now, someone greeted me by waving their hand and calling "Howdy!"
Xander: Not "Good morning, Your Highness," or "Pray spare my life, O mighty King," but..."Howdy!"
Euden: Er, well, at least they're greeting you?
Xander: That is NOT the point!
Xander: Had you acted with a modicum of dignity while you were ruling over your vassals, such a thing would not be happening!
Euden: These people aren't my vassals, though. They're my allies.
Euden: And to be honest, I'm not really much for the trappings of royalty.
Xander: Gaaah! See how the royal king laments his gilded cage of gossamer!
Xander: Heed me well, Euden. A king must loom tall above his people, for he sits at the very pinnacle of society.
Xander: He is greater than anyone, and therefore more deserving of respect than anyone!
Xander: If a king were ever to behave as you have, his serfs and vassals would begin to mock and even belittle him.
Xander: And when such a thing happens to a king, it happens to his country in the selfsame breath!
Xander: Furthermore!
Xander: Once a country's people lose respect for it, it's only a matter of time before it falls to the slovenly barbarian hordes!
Euden: I think that's a bit of a stret-
Xander: Nay! It is but common sense for any ruler!
Xander: A country's king must stand as its most respected individual, or it will be dismissed on the world stage and inevitably destroyed!
Xander: Though this is not the only thing you must fear. I, myself, for example, was exiled from my country by the very vassals sworn in service to me.
Euden: Wait, really?
Xander: Indeed. It was a mutiny most foul.
Xander: One minute they were my loyal serfs, and the next I was being sent packing. It was almost...impressive.
Xander: Although I trust they now live in a world of pain where the only lesson is the importance of a competent ruler.
Xander: Thankfully, the people of this castle are most fortunate in that regard!
Xander: After all, now you have ME as your king! Ha HA! Haaaa ha ha ha!
Unwavering Beliefs
Euden: Uh-oh. Now what?
Cleo: He is the word "headache" in human form.
Euden: Right, but what did he DO?
Cleo: For one thing, he's taken over multiple rooms for himself, even though he was never given permission to do so.
Cleo: And he always complains about his meals.
Elisanne: Additionally, the man refuses to stop ordering people about!
Cleo: He almost angered one of the dragons earlier, as well.
Elisanne: We could have had a real mess on our hands. ...Or a barbecue.
Elisanne: As the ruler of this castle, I beseech you to take action, Your Highness.
Cleo: You are the only one he's likely to have any chance of listening to.
Euden: Mmm. I didn't know things were this bad. But don't worry - I promise to have a stern word or two with him soon.
Xander: ...There you are! I've been searching all over this blasted estate for you!
Xander: Are there no clothes for a man of my stature in this place? I've looked high and low, and I can't find a single doublet or-
Euden: Xander? We need to talk.
Xander: Hmm? Oh my, this appears to be serious. Well then, I give permission for you to speak your mind.
Euden: Well...
Euden: I've been receiving a lot of complaints about your day-to-day behavior, and-
Xander: Oh, pish-posh! THAT'S what this is about? Pay it no mind - vassals' tongues will wag, after all.
Euden: Wait, you KNEW people were unhappy with you?
Xander: I can hear the yapping of the peasantry perfectly well.
Xander: But a true king must not change his ways because of so simple a matter.
Euden: Please explain...everything you just said.
Xander: Hear me well: A country is its king, and people gather around that king.
Xander: However, should that king allow his mind to be whipsawed about by the whims of the smallfolk, it would result in disaster.
Xander: His people would get it into their heads that THEY have the power to determine the future of the country.
Xander: Of course, kings are sometimes overthrown even without succumbing to public pressure...
Xander: No country is based on a completely secure foundation.
Xander: However, from one royal to another- if you are a king, you must not waver in your ways!
Xander: If you do, your country WILL fall!
Euden: Hmm...
Xander: In short and therefore, I have no intention of changing my behavior.
Xander: For I am the king of this castle!
Xander: Ha HA! Haaaa ha ha ha!
Euden: Well, I suppose you have to admire his dedication to his beliefs...
A True King's Battle
Euden: All right. Let's get everyone togethe-
Xander: Ha HA! There's no need to get so flustered. Are you forgetting just how sturdy this castle is?
Xander: Unless the enemy has dragons in their ranks, the idea of them being able to take this fortress without a Herculean struggle is ludicrous.
Elisanne: How can you even talk like that?!
Elisanne: At times like these, we need everyone to come together as one, not be acting as if we have all the time in the worl-
Xander: Still your tongue, churl!
Xander: Such panicking will not unite the people of this castle as one, if such is your aim-- it will only serve to terrify them.
Elisanne: Rrr...
Xander: Well then! I suppose this is as decent a moment as any.
Xander: It's time for me to show you how a true king fights!
Euden: What are you planning, Xander?
Xander: What must be done! A king should always stand at the front of the ranks and lead his vassals on to glory.
Xander: After me! I will lead the way!
Xander: We move out at once!
[Scene change]
Xander: We shall take down this rabble before they even know what has hit them!
Euden: His leadership is... It's GREAT.
Euden: Everyone's fighting far more effectively than before.
Elisanne: Perhaps he isn't all bluster and wind as I have long suspected.
Elisanne: I never would have imagined he had any skill as a tactician.
Euden: So this is how a first-rate ruler acts, eh? Perhaps there's something for me to learn from him after—
Euden: Elly, watch out!
[Euden jumps in front of Elisanne and is hit]
Euden: Gaah!
Elisanne: Your Highness!
Xander: Euden!
Xander: Curse you, foul fiends! How dare you harm one of my vassals!
Euden: ...Thank goodness! It looks like they've finally retreated.
Xander: My apologies, Euden.
Xander: As leader of that sortie, the responsibility for your injury falls upon my head alone.
Euden: You have nothing to apologize for. This is all because I—
Xander: Tut tut! I will not hear of it. It was my failing that permitted this.
Xander: Euden. I swear to you...
Xander: I will never again let anyone harm a single hair on the head of my loyal vassals!
Xander: Take this opportunity to rest well, and recover from your wounds.
Euden:...Thanks Xander.
Euden: It looks like there are a great number of things I can learn from you.
Fit to Be King
Cleo: Are you complaining again?
Xander: I am––and I will complain as many times as I must until you serve SOMETHING that suits my delicate palate!
Xander: Speaking of which!
Xander: I harangue you every single day about how your king detests vegetables, and yet you continue serving them to me!
Xander: How many more times must I say it before the message sinks––
Cleo: If you say one more word, you'll be eating out of the scrap can in the castle yard.
Xander: Treason! Mutiny! Sedition! This woman has declared revolt against her king for all within range to hear!
Cleo: Exactly.
Cleo: So unless you want a rebellion on your hands, I suggest you still your flapping gob and EAT.
Elisanne: ...You know, for a moment after that battle, I started to think I may have been wrong about you—but you're clearly back to your old tricks again.
Xander: A king must be unflinching, and his vassals should obey without question!
Elisanne: What a great windbag you are!
Elisanne: I don't recall becoming your vassal, nor do I remember ever accepting you as my king.
Elisanne: I will, however, grant that your recent actions on the battlefield saved many.
Elisanne: And your leadership abilities, at least, are legitimate.
Elisanne: So for that...you have my thanks.
[Elisanne exits]
Xander: One must lower their head when they thank a king thusly!
Xander: Come back, churl! Return to me at once!
[Xander exits]
Euden: ...That's a relief. Despite what everyone's been saying, it seems Xander is getting along well enough after all.
[Xander enters]
Xander: Hear me, Euden! You must speak to these plebeians and inform them who the true king of this castle is!
Euden: I'm pretty sure none of them will say you.
Xander: How dare you doubt me?! And after I showed you on the battlefield how a true king should behave!
Xander: ...Very well. Have your fun. It's merely a matter of time anyway.
Xander: Eventually, all will come to realize how capable and legitimate a king I am.
Xander: When that happens, the castle's residents will come to revere me as a matter of course, and it will truly become mine!
Xander: Ha HA! Haaaaa ha ha ha!
[Xander exits]
Cleo: He really doesn't learn, does he?
Euden: Heh. Not really. Still, he IS fit to be a king.
Cleo: Please explain that so I can pick my jaw up from the floor.
Euden: No matter what, he never wavers in the belief that he's the symbol of his country.
Euden: I think that's a legitimate way for a ruler to behave.
Euden: On the surface, it looks like he's only thinking of himself—but in reality, he's observing people better than anyone.
Euden: That's why he's so capable a commander.
Euden: Or at least, that's what I've come to believe after watching him for so long.
Euden: He's made me realize there's a lot I need to improve about myself.
Cleo: *sigh* And yet this great man refuses to eat his greens.
Cleo: You should talk to him about that before he develops rickets or the like.
Euden: Heh. All right.